always_someone

when i study for things i do better, the longer i study, the better i do, hmm, i see a pattern.

so last night was a little bit rough because my mind went a bit obsessive and i couldn't get to sleep, so i took some sleeping aides to help me out. usually that never happens, i don't know what's up with that, i used to be really good at relaxing and destressing. just a lot of stuff coming up these next few weeks. my last general chemistry lab ever is today. yay!

*deep breath* okay, relaxing, then lab, then study, then ryan comes back. :)

so, it was a nice thanksgiving break, but now i need to get my ass in gear for the next three weeks, because two weeks of school and then finals, then i'll be done with this quarter.
i got a research position at a hospital in the town, but i feel bad because i have to go through all this volunteer orientation for it and i still haven't been able to start and since i'll be gone halfway through december i probably won't be able to start until january. i'm still excited to do it though.

so there is this club/group/whatever at my school that, well i'm not exactly sure what it does, but i guess it focuses on GLBT health issues and making a support system for GLBT and allies interested in the health field. however, i had never really seen them on campus so i decided to check it out and see what was going on and if possibly i could get something going. well, i found out that i can do something, what it is yet i do not know, but i could possibly become the undergraduate leader for this group and my roommate and i (i live with one of the greatest girls in the world) really want to make this group part of campus. i had a chance in high school with key club to do something with it, but the people there were so fake. i know that fake people will probably join, because there's always the resume' booster kids, but this could bring people together and could possibly make a difference (however small it may be) in the community.

it's a big campus so hopeful there will be some who are interested in making it a real group. i want it to be a group that is different from others, can work with other groups, and makes some sort of difference for someone. it's a daunting task to think about. leading a group. me. haha. wow. big breath. it's weird, but just something so small makes me realize that i can actually do something in this world. it makes me feel positive. which is a huge change from high school and helps me believe that this anti-depression medication is working.

dysthymia. what a ridiculous disease/disorder/whatever. anyways, i'm mega-tired, still kinda catching up from being up so late on friday, i'll get some sleep now. i have my last general chemistry lab ever tomorrow. hehehe, yay!!!! Bio quiz on wednesday. Sexuality class test on thursday. busy busy.

My boyfriend comes back into town tomorrow. I miss him.

So, first off, I've found that I dislike most other pre-med kids. They are not nice. Most of them are backstabbers who have very little life experience. There are definitely exceptions, but they seem to be very uncommon.

Medicine was not my original idea for a path when I came to college. I was planning on international relations and japanese. I still have an interest in both of those areas of study, however I realized after my first quarter that I was not having any fun in that scene and decided that I would go back to my idea that I had when I was a kid, becoming a doctor. Being a doctor of medicine always scared me when I was little, however I was always fascinated by the idea that I, whoever I am, could learn the skills that could be used to help people enhance their health and possibly save their lives.

On that point, it seems to be common that most premed kids have forgotten the reason that doctors are around. They ARE NOT around to make money. I couldn't give less of a shit about earning money in this profession, although I will admit that it is nice to know that it is possible to make money being a doctor. I want to help people. I am not a person to discrimate, I truly care about all, although I find that is sometimes hard to do, I try my best.

What interest is there in the life of a premed student. They (I guess myself included) seem to all fit the stereotype. However, I guess I can only hope that I am not the same as them. As a white male, I am probably a stereotype right there. However, at my school I am definitely in the minority as the classes are getting harder. I have found my classes to be dominated by those of Asian ethnicity and/or the female persuasion. That's probably more just because I'm at a bigger school.

So, what then makes me different than another premed kid, why should I in the end be chosen for a school rather than another. That, I cannot answer fully yet. I have a hard time saying I have qualities that are "better" than another person's. I guess in the game that this is, I'll need to start figuring that out.

"And it's strange, but nothing's all that strange... Yeah, it's strange, but oh well."

I'll probably have a lot of off and on postings with this thing. I'm kinda liking its therapuetic-ness (is there a word that means that? I think I need to get some rest after this long holiday weekend)

i guess i felt it was time to put these experiences elsewhere besides my regular journal. i am a gay premedical student and i guess i'll be using this to talk about my experiences. for now, that's that.